I went to Target recently. I wanted to find a couple of short sleeved t-shirts. I took my grandson and when we arrived I put him into the Babyhawk Mei-Tai and off we went. Of course they didn’t have what I was looking for, and of course my grandson fell asleep in the carrier. In order to get a nap in I wandered around the store, taking time I never ever get to discover the cute stuff they had.
I picked up a few things and put them in my cart. After making it through about half of the store I realized I needed nothing. I was moving, selling everything, down-sizing, so what would I do with any of this? I circled back, put the things in my cart away, and put the cart away. Then I truly began to wander. I looked at sections instead of items, and realized there was no section to venture into. There was nothing I could/would take with me. I went to the book section, I can, after all, justify books. I didn’t spend long there, because I am committed to my local book store and feel like I am cheating if I buy a book anywhere but the amazing Chop Suey books in Carytown, VA.
So, what do I do? I would normally pick up a few cute things for someone, or buy valentine’s day stuff or something, but today nothing. I need nothing. I felt liberated and confused.
I called my husband, I had at least 30 minutes to waste to keep my grandson sleeping and no idea what to do. He suggested a magazine and a coffee at Starbucks. Great idea I haven’t had the free time to do this for years. Back to the book section I go. As I looked at the magazines there weren’t any for me. I didn’t see anything about selling everything, minimalizing your life to 4 suitcases and a box, and traveling around the world. I found nothing to hold my attention and certainly not to warrant the money for a magazine. To be honest, I started to get scared. What am I supposed to do with my time? What I am supposed to be interested in now? What will occupy my thoughts? Certainly not home decorating, fashion, or most anything else you find in magazines. While I felt great about not needing anything, or wasting money on what I actually don’t need, I felt lost, I feel confused.
I start to let go of just a little of what has become a norm for me over the last 9 years since we moved back to America. I get to return to the woman I was in Italy who spent her thoughts creatively, simply enjoying the moments in front of her.
This is going to be amazing!