I went to Target recently. I wanted to find a couple of short sleeved t-shirts. I took my grandson and when we arrived I put him into the Babyhawk Mei-Tai and off we went. Of course they didn’t have what I was looking for, and of course my grandson fell asleep in the carrier. In order to get a nap in I wandered around the store, taking time I never ever get to discover the cute stuff they had.
I picked up a few things and put them in my cart. After making it through about half of the store I realized I needed nothing. I was moving, selling everything, down-sizing, so what would I do with any of this? I circled back, put the things in my cart away, and put the cart away. Then I truly began to wander. I looked at sections instead of items, and realized there was no section to venture into. There was nothing I could/would take with me. I went to the book section, I can, after all, justify books. I didn’t spend long there, because I am committed to my local book store and feel like I am cheating if I buy a book anywhere but the amazing Chop Suey books in Carytown, VA.
So, what do I do? I would normally pick up a few cute things for someone, or buy valentine’s day stuff or something, but today nothing. I need nothing. I felt liberated and confused.
I called my husband, I had at least 30 minutes to waste to keep my grandson sleeping and no idea what to do. He suggested a magazine and a coffee at Starbucks. Great idea I haven’t had the free time to do this for years. Back to the book section I go. As I looked at the magazines there weren’t any for me. I didn’t see anything about selling everything, minimalizing your life to 4 suitcases and a box, and traveling around the world. I found nothing to hold my attention and certainly not to warrant the money for a magazine. To be honest, I started to get scared. What am I supposed to do with my time? What I am supposed to be interested in now? What will occupy my thoughts? Certainly not home decorating, fashion, or most anything else you find in magazines. While I felt great about not needing anything, or wasting money on what I actually don’t need, I felt lost, I feel confused.
I start to let go of just a little of what has become a norm for me over the last 9 years since we moved back to America. I get to return to the woman I was in Italy who spent her thoughts creatively, simply enjoying the moments in front of her.
This is going to be amazing!
I know this feeling all to well… It takes time to fully embrace it, savor it and stick with it. It isn’t for everybody and there are times in life when stuff and stationary life are less challenging on everyday base. But once you get a taste of it and you love it,it’s more then hard to live by the “norm” of slaving millions.
And as for Target shopping…I would end up empty handed as well – there isn’t a fresh flower section… Flowers are always worth every penny wheather to selfishly indulge in their beauty or to enjoy the warm and fuzzy feeling of gifting a flower to a loved one or a total stranger.
As I expect the arrival of our second daughter any day now I slightly envy you and the feeling of liberty inside you but for now i’m ok to live it through your eyes/blog. I know, one day i’ll be in your shoes again. Bon voyage !
This post was such a good reminder about how to actually shop at Target. I was proud on Saturday that my family stuck to only getting what we needed and it felt like a miracle. Also, staying faithful to your favorite local shops is so important. Now I have to figure out my new local place for kid stuff. Heading in later this week to shop for my last birthday gift at the goose.